blogONEI feel incredibly shitty after writing that second linear algebra midterm, enough said.
There is something really wrong with my studying habits: I am simply not devoting enough time to my studies anymore. So now we can really see how bad I have degenerated!
SHIT! I just found out for the F(-inf, inf) question that we were supposed to assign f(x) and g(x) for k1e^x and k2e^-x, respectively! I FEEL EVEN MORE LIKE SHIT NOW, DAMMIT.
Yes, I know I should have faith that I should pass…but if I think about it, that is really pushing it with God. Having faith in Him AND doing the required amount of studying is one thing, but having faith in Him and NOT performing your required duties is another! So the bottom line is: I am failing horribly at using my academics as a witness for Christ.
Seriously, my whole role in witnessing is really flawed, I am not a good witness at all. Yes, a few of my friends know I am Christian, but that is after they read my blog posts, Facebook and after I tell them I am also in Campus Church when they make fun of one of our friends there. My witnessing though academics is not good enough! I swear, I cheat (even if you’re just HELPING or simply answering a question they ask, you are considered CHEATING!), I participate in lewd, obscene jokes…I admit to doing everything a Christian should not do. However, how many of us will actually admit to the world (ie. the Internet) that we fail? How many of us admit that we are, in fact, hypocrites?
I can’t really live with the fact that I am a hypocrite, continuing this life. All people can say, when this type of stuff happens, are pertaining to being covered by the glory of Christ and that we have no condemnation in Christ (Romans 8:1) and we are not slaves to sin (Rom 6:6), etcetc. This isn’t a matter of sin! This is a matter of a human being, recognizing himself as a Christian, who has failed in witnessing in the one way he can on campus…
Back after lunch…
We are a problem solving family…we’re all problem solvers. If we have a problem, we fix it, we don’t keep on living with it. You know that.
In a way, you’re lucky that you know what the fuck you did wrong, or are doing wrong…most first years don’t have that ability. And then, when the university flunks them, they wonder what the hell went wrong.
Like what happened before-la, get back on your two feet; sometimes some people can’t rebound after doing back. I’m not saying you’re right for failing or doing bad, but I’d rather you do bad now and know where to improve, than get a perfect paper, go into the workplace, fuck up and get people or yourself killed.
Rebounding…seems hard.
If I want to redeem myself, I need to start studying for my finals now. Especially with one coming on the 9th.