blogONEForgot to update, my bad.
Can slow motion blink with my left eye now, with a slight gap at the bottom of my eye. Facial muscles are still getting there. Not much else to update on… -shrug-
Just a couple nights ago while reading The Journey by Billy Graham, which Matt To gave to me at TC, some phrases stuck out at me. Rather, the one that comes to mind the most is (paraphrased and shortened) “human love is changeable and flawed.” Whether you choose to agree to it or not right now, it’s true. Human love is limited in many aspects, simply because it is what it is - HUMAN. Human love will never attain the same level, however “mimicked”, of God’s love. A person’s love towards something can fade over time. Just think of how many times you had sought after something for so long, yearned for it so bad, and simply got bored of it after you attained it? How many times have you “fallen in love” with someone, only to have that feeling melt away? There’s infatuation, confusion, desperation…the list goes on.
Love shouldn’t be how much one person can do for the other. It shouldn’t be how much you can spend. It ISN’T about how much you spend. It shouldn’t be measured by the hours you spend on the phone. It shouldn’t be measured by the anxiousness you get around the person you fancy. It shouldn’t be measured by how much you desire talking with them. The confusion should be mutual; pain is eventual, and takes many forms. Sex is not love. Love is not sex. Physical love is not spiritual love. Physical love is cheap. Love is not about holding hands, embracing or lip-service (taken both ways).
Enough of what it shouldn’t be, and time for what it should be.
…
The mind draws a blank. However, if you look at the characteristics of God, you will see love everywhere. Heck, its even told to us in 1 Corinthians what love IS. And indeed, God is patient and forgiving, along every other trait that is God.
…so I can conclude that I don’t love you. Not yet. Rather, not the worldly aspect of love, but the pure Christian love. I like you, or at least I think I do. Maybe a lot, or maybe not as much as I thought. I…don’t know you that much, but I’m ready to learn. However, I’m certain that one day I’ll learn to love. I…am discouraged because human love fades, but I am encouraged because I know there will be a day when I will start to learn.
“It doesn’t matter how much you suck at it, or how unprepared you think you are, as long as you’re willing to be used by God, willing to be molded, willing to learn and be taught…that’s all that matters. You were chosen because we saw that in you; you seemed like you were willing to learn.” If I remember correctly, that was what Art said to me a couple years ago.
I’m not admitting defeat, and I’m not giving up. Whatever happens will happen…so have a safe journey back, promise me.