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I forget to keep writing these posts…my bad.

Past few days have had really strange dreams…even while riding on the bus. These dreams are scary and violent. They’re usually involving me getting chased by someone in a dark and rainy area. But can these dreams actually parallel with me returning to God? These dreams have scenes where I am going to the “boss” to ask for forgiveness and to return to the family… Yes, its blasphemy, relating the gangs and morbid things in my dreams with God…but, I don’t know.

It has been a very rough ride in my sea of emotions and brain waves…

I remember when we were still applying for university and I had shared with y’all about UOIT not having a CCF, and wanting to help start one there with a friend. All the thoughts, all the prayers, all the…emotions and trust and faith…all that build-up and then it all faded - the God-given vision, the dream that He had bestowed upon my friend and I…it just died by the time school hit.

I also remember telling you guys about how I had started going to the existing fellowship there, Campus Church - it had received a bad rap, and I decided to go and see if all it’s anti-hype was f’real. Even though the fellowship should have done a “better job” at making newcomers fit in…it all comes down to the newcomer him/herself. But it’s not always like that - not ever newcomer feels comfortable and needs that little push. So I decided to go to the Connect Groups (cell groups/bible study groups) a bit more to further “evaluate” Campus Church. I was in a very diverse group, in terms of ethnicity and spiritual maturity…and I felt fine. I even brought a few friends. But as time passed and as midterms came and gone, I never went again…I had always pushed it aside to rush home to work or relax. This was paralleled with the church fellowship, and even some Sundays.

But on Wednesday, I was randomly talking with Lorr about this - CCF and the campus fellowship. On Thursday, as I went to Connect Group, I bumped into the Campus Church chair/president…and we had a brief chat. He told me during this conversation that he was meeting up with one of the people at UOIT who was valiantly trying to start a CCF…and that Campus Church would be having a CCF branch over time. Thinking back, it was really just…WOW. What better sign of confirmation is there, than that?

…but sometimes we don’t always get it this way in life. We don’t always see the signs, we don’t always hear His voice, we don’t always feel His touch or presence. Sometimes when we fall, we focus too much on the fall, and not on the re-ascension. Sometimes we focus too much on our voice through prayer, that we forget to listen for God’s response through prayer. Sometimes we act too much on instinct and don’t calm down to see what could be done by His hands alone.

So, please pray for patience, calmness, perseverance, faith, strength, all through God. What we seek are not things to glorify ourselves…what we seek is not another high…what we seek is consistency and a repaired relationship. Glory for ourselves is foolishness, self-honour is only a shield which will break when the storm hits.