blogONEI am, by no means, perfect in any sense. Likewise, nobody living on this earth is, and no one should fall under a false perception that they are, indeed, perfect. However, I believe that I have had a moment in leading one of the most perfect examples ever.
In the most negative sense.
The question of where I have been and what I have been doing these past few months is one that I rarely get asked, and even more rarely answer with utmost honesty. If you were one of my confidants and had chosen to have a heart-to-heart chat with me, and asked me where I have been and what I had been doing for the many months I have disappeared into non-existence, I would have then told you I was busy.
But busy doing what? After having personal reflection time these past few days, I have some sort of answer:
I have been busy sinning.
I have been busy running away.
I have been busy trying to accomplish life on my own.
I have been busy avoiding the only entity that could possibly save me (and has saved me).
Yes, this bleeding honesty is everything I can think of now — for months I would choose to skip service, which would be my ONLY supplement of the Lord weekly, in order to study for my midterms or finish assignments. Is this wrong? Here’s where my reflective moments provide some more insight. Although we are called to do everything in the Lord’s name, and therefore giving our best efforts into whatever we do, we must still rely and depend on the Lord. From the way I see it now, skipping service, abandoning prayer and scripture is the equivalent of declaring your sovereignty over the Lord.
WHAT A FOOL I HAVE BEEN.
As I often “preach”, human strength has its limits…and it will always fail. When we are completely empty, devoid of the spirit (although it does reside in us), what flawed strength do we have left to perform any of our tasks with even the minimal amount of mediocrity? We must daily look to the Lord for the strength He gives, the strength that flows through the blood shed.
We deprive ourselves of nourishment, we douse our spiritual flame with water (the earthly joys), and yet we sometimes dare ask where our God has gone. We burn our midnight oils until there is nothing left, and when we are commanded to return to the only one that can refill us, we choose to continue burning. At this point, what we have is not a flame at all! At this point, we are trying to shine our own blacklight, trying to coax our brothers, sisters, ourselves and the Lord that we are fine.
I have been the perfect example of this, once again.
To the brothers and sisters who are also trying to walk on water without the faith required to give you wings, reach your hand out to the Lord again. I firmly believe He is reaching for us — we are just too ignorant and prideful to ask for help reaching Him.
