Hurray, hurray, marks have been released today.
Except for one, just that one, if we all got that one, we could all really have fun.
As my tradition follows, rather than lay my head in the gallows,
which I probably do anyway, with all the things I’m about to say,
the following post will either be a massage or a roast,
for the profs and TA’s we’ve had for around 90 days.

Here come the awards, please give a round of applause,
because paying to learn how to learn and having laughs is such a worthy cause!

Stupidest Policy: Faculty of Engineering and Applied Science (FEAS)

I guess to prevent the amount of students cheating and skipping the final exam, the FEAS decided to change the exam policy for the winter semester, stating that students required to pass the final exam in order to pass the course. This presents some problems, one being “What happens if I am so unfortunate that I mess up the final because life has really sucked right around exam time?”, which can easily be answered with “Too bad, you fail! Give us your monies!” Seriously, how dumb and outrageously un-fair could this policy be? If we’ve worked hard the entire semester, getting near perfect on midterms, assignments and quizzes (meaning we’re getting near perfect in the course pre-final), and have a big hiccup on the final, we fail. Now, I understand how this should be a good preventive step against people who have been doing good from skipping the final and still passing the course with a 60%, BUT IF THEY DO THAT THEN ITS THEIR OWN DAMN PREROGATIVE!!! And seriously, if someone has been cheating on all the assignments and quizzes but has been failing the midterms, they’re most likely going to fail the final anyway.

Most Valuable Player: Yuepeng Zhang (TA)

With a black “Player” wristband (like the Livestrong ones) and a t-shirt that says “Players get it twice a day”, Yuepeng wins the most valuable player award hands down. Don’t worry, we won’t let anyone know, Yuepeng!

Cutest Phrase: Ying Zhu (Prof)

Regarding an assignment question she assigned,

This is really hard.

which proved she was human, and offers some insight into how profs assign questions for assignments.

Runners up:
Ying Zhu: “Doo doo doo”
Ying Zhu: “Everything we’ve done is an application of this…”
Bobby Khan: “You guys, where would you be without me???”

Coldest Stare: Ying Wang (Prof)

Refer to this AddOne2Win comic.

Most Improved Lectures: Ruth Milman (Prof)

We went from mad scribbling (because the notes weren’t going to be posted), to being able to relax and pay attention to what she is trying to teach us, to participating in answering design questions. The last few lectures were the best of the entire year with her. Now, if only she submitted marks on time…but hey, can’t ask for too much now!

Most Gracious: Vijay Sood (Prof)

Everybody passed the course — what more can we say, except for a very humble thank you?
^{* – Note that quite a few of us thought we failed the final}

Runners up:
Ying Wang
Ying Zhu
Ruth Milman

Most Jackets: Ying Wang (Prof)

She has a lot of jackets, nothing more to say! OK, more to say…she’s got a white fluffy one, a purple-y skiing one…a pink one…a blue-ish purple extreme temperature one…I think she has a red one too? I bet she has more jackets, like me, but just didn’t wear them all. At a time. It gets hot.

Most Repetitive Jokes: Jim Carswell (TA)

Poles (order of poles for polynomials). Aye aye aye (for complex imaginary value i. Winkle/”Winkle winkle in the sky” (making fun of Jason Winkle’s last name). These are the jokes that get the most radio play at FM2530.

Most Productively Laid Back: Ray Song (TA)

Gangster, no doubt about it.

Runners up:
Yuepeng Zhang

Best Weather Predictions: Bobby Khan (TA)

Because you’re always going to know when the big snow storm hits…when tutorial is cancelled.

Where Are They Now?: Mikael Eklund (prof)

I’ve seen him numerous times on campus, and said hello to him many times as well. One has to wonder what thoughts are going through his mind after having us in Intro to Electrical Engineering. I don’t have much to say other than “Hang in there!”…because we will definitely redeem ourselves someday, and make him proud. Yes, we will make him proud.

Notable Mention: Kimberley Clow (prof)

She was my psych prof, and I reckon she’s darn good at her field. Plenty of laughs. Yeah, this award ceremony is getting a bit long now…