During this morning’s sermon, 1 John 4:20-21 really stuck out to me. You see, one of my close family friends is in a weird/horrible family situation which leaves a huge-ass question mark on my head (and maybe on everyone else’s). He and his siblings are Christians, and his elder siblings serve very diligently in their respective churches at their respective home areas. His siblings will willingly lay down everything in order to serve their churches (maybe with the exception of giving up something job-related)…
A few years ago, their dad passed away and at a family meeting a little while after the funeral one of his elder brothers exposes the fact that he has had issues with my friend since they were youth! My friend has no idea what he has done to deserve such resentment directed towards him, but perhaps it was his general attitude in life to always help his parents (and subsequently be slightly favoured all this time). He has also gotten flak from his elder siblings, such as a questioning of his faith, because he helped his mom arrange a predominantly traditional Buddhist funeral for his dad, rather than working against all forces/facts (ie. no church has records of his dad’s attendance in service) to push for a Christian-based one.
My friend is confused why his elder siblings would give him so many problems and judgment (ie. saying things like “I should give you a book so you can learn how to love and honour your parents”), since their mom is still alive and should have a more significant say in the proceedings; he simply followed the Bible commandment to honour your mother and father. What better way to honour your parents at such a time, other than to help whole-heartedly to organize a funeral the way your surviving parent wants it? What better way to minister to your unbelieving parent, other than to serve them without complaint and issue?
His elder siblings can quote the Bible, can lead Bible studies, can love and care for otherwise complete strangers, and can be so very Holy-Holy…but they couldn’t (or refuse to?) remember or read the above commandment (let alone verse), found in 1 John 4:20-21
20 If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot [1] love God whom he has not seen. 21 And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother.
It may be difficult or seemingly impossible to adhere to everything the Bible teaches and commands, but for his siblings to place themselves ever-so-highly and yet hate on a blood brother, that just seems even more hypocritical than usual…
Yeah man.
I can see where both sides are coming from. On one hand, from the perspective of the brothers, said brother could be compromising their faiths by participating in something that most would call against God. From their perspective, it’s more important to do what God wants us to do, rather than what a human wants us to do. But that raises the question: what does God want us to do?
You nailed it with Scripture. God calls us to love our brothers and sisters, and is clear that if we hate our brothers and sisters, how could we love God?
Would you consider what they’re doing to their brother to be ‘hateful’? The Bible is clear that we’re called to rebuke our brothers and sisters in Christ in love. Judging is Biblical.
“Judge not according to the appearance, but judge righteous judgment.” – John 7:24.
We’re called to do this unhypocritcally [LOL if that’s a word], like how the Pharisees did it (John 8:2-9, Mathew 7:1-5). So while we’re called to do these things, 2 things come into play:
(1) HOW we do it. We’re called to do it IN love. (Ephesians 4:2-3; 1 Peter 3:8-9; )
(2) WHY we do it. We’re called to do it without selfish intentions, with others’ well-being in mind. (Titus 1:13).
In conclusion…I think his brothers are right in terms of why they might be doing it, but certainly off-base if they’re doing it in a hateful way. If we do ANYTHING with selfish or hateful intentions, then what you’re doing doesn’t count.
My 2 cents. Or perhaps it was a Loonie
)
– J
I don’t think their judging is righteous at all, and I don’t think their reasons are solely based on how my friend helped organize the funeral. It is probably attributed to other factors as well. There are a few details I have left out from the original post, but can possibly help clarify some of his confusion.
For starters, even though my friend doesn’t help with Bible studies, serve on the choir or teach Sunday school, and even admits to not remembering specific parts of the Bible (very much like myself), he definitely applies all the knowledge he has learned. He walks his talk, definitely goes out of his way to give advice when asked, and will always speak the truth out of love.
Secondly, like previously mentioned in the post, his parents may have favoured him a bit. He isn’t the eldest, nor is he the youngest (he’s like, 3rd youngest), but apparently because he always acted with integrity and treated them with respect, they’d often ask him for advice before making a decision (for themselves, or for his siblings). Thats probably an “irk” moment/point right there — almost reminds me of the story of Joseph (and the Technicolour Dreamcoat, featuring Donnie Osmond). And that’s what I told him, haha…”Dude, you remind me of Joseph in the bible.”
Like you quoted Matt 7:1-5 regarding hypocrisy, from what I’ve been told and seen, his siblings have things hiding deep in the dark. Despite their devotion, they can sometimes still have money as their god, to the point of doing under-the-table business (Matt 6:24). Despite their proclaimed marriage to Christ, a couple of them choose to have divorces from their earthly partner (and adultery was not the cause; Matt 19:1-9). Despite believing in questioning how dark can mix with light, one has renounced his faith and is in a common-law relationship with a devote Buddhist divorcée (2 Cor 6:14).
To my shock, my friend told me his siblings demanded to look at their dad’s Will **prior** to the actual funeral “to determine if he wanted a Christian burial, and to see if there is enough money allocated.” His parents don’t go to church, and where they’re from (HK), you can’t be buried in a Christian cemetery if there is no existence of you in a church there, or if there aren’t people who can prove you’re a Christian.
To me, it didn’t sound like his siblings were doing anything to help him or his mom (their mom?) with the funeral, other than complain it wasn’t remotely Christian. Would it really have done anyone any good to get in a huge fight and overthrow their mom’s decision for a traditional Taoist funeral though? His mom already accepted their Christian-faith (and differences) and told them they wouldn’t have to do the traditional 3 bows, or burning of hell money.
This is good insight. Like I said, rebuking is necessary but only when things line up how God wants them to. I’ll be praying for your friend — that’s a tough situation.